8 Monsters We'd like To Beat Up!!!

1.Frankenberry and Count Chocula1Why they suck: Despite what that weird goth kid at your school will tell you, vampires are more silly than they are scary, especially when they crave chocolate like a pregnant woman with a sweet tooth. And don't even get us started on that big pink joke they call Frankenberry How to beat their asses:
Count Chocula can be defeated by most of the traditional methods we all learned watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and if Frankenberry is anything like his green cousin, Frankenstein, it only takes a few camera flashes to take him down. But the real secret is to just bring a bowl of milk. Those guys sit in milk for more than two minutes and they'll be a soggy mess that clogs up the sink when you try to get rid of them
2.Cookie Monster
Why he sucks: You would think he could share some of those cookies he's always slamming down his throat-less neck with Oscar, who has to sit in his can and eat garbage. Who wouldn't like to take a shot at this greedy blue bastard?

How to beat his ass: During the research for this article, Wikipedia taught us that the C-man wasn't a real monster, but a puppet of some kind. Thus, the best strategy is the one that works best on all kinds of puppets: Flamethrower. You could also just kick the crap out of him, since his arms and legs are useless and he has no visible fangs
3.The Monster.com monster
Why it sucks: Just when you thought getting fired was the lowest point in your life, you have to go to Monster.com to look for work and be greeted by some green guy with a horn for a nose and huge orange feet. That's not the kind of thing you need in between reruns of Home Improvement and bowls of Ramen.

How to kick his ass: Don't get fired from your job; and if you do, just head over to Craigslist.com. There you can find a job and a person willing to pay you $30 if you let them lick your nostrils. If you deprive him of the résumés he so badly craves, he'll eventually starve and fade into the dot-com graveyard
4.Chucky from Child's Play
Why he sucks: Just because a doll becomes possessed by the soul of a ruthless serial killer doesn't mean he isn't just a crappy piece of plastic with hair plugs that look like Jeremy Piven's. The only way we could see him being scary at all is if he was manufactured in China. And even then he'd only be dangerous to little kids.How to beat his ass: Any method you've ever used to wreck your sister's dolls should work just fine with this little bastard. Try grilling him or running him over with your bike. Or, if you're kind of a wuss, you can just soccer kick the son of a bitch across the street or give him to some 5-year-old girl who will cut all of his hair off.
5.The Leprechaun
Why he sucks: Lame one-liners, curly shoes, and an accent that can only loosely be considered Irish. This wee, little guy's wrinkly face is the only thing that made him any scarier than the guy on the Lucky Charms box. He didn't even have any clearly defined magic powers. He did, however, have a very shitty rap song at the end of one of his sequels.

How to beat his ass: Don't let him get near any cheesy toys, like a pogo stick he might be able to kill you with. Then utilize your reach advantage to try and get him on the ground. He might be magic, but his Brazilian jujitsu needs some serious work.

6.Clowns
Why they suck: Horror writers and moviemakers have been relying on people's aversion to Bozo and his buddies for far too long. Most clowns are just former music theater majors that need to supplement the income they don't make acting in community theater productions. In fact, the only advantages they have over regular people are that they know how to ride a unicycle and a bunch of them can fit into one car.

How to beat their asses: Hand them a big, long balloon and they'll be overwhelmed by the urge to fold it into some crappy thing that amuses kids and irritates you to no end. While he's putting the finishing touches on his crappy inflated dog, punch him in the face. Just make sure to wear a glove so you don't get face paint and shame all over your hand.
7.The break dancing zombies from Thriller

Why they suck: Zombie enthusiasts were up in arms when new-school horror directors started making the undead run like crazy instead of lumbering laboriously like they did in the good old days. We can only imagine how they felt when they first saw Michael Jackson and his backup dancers wiggling around, making a mockery of one of horror's most beloved monsters.

How to beat their asses:
While the zombies are in pretty good shape from all of the dancing, they're still dead. One good punch and what they have left of their internal organs is pounded into mush. That's if they don't kill themselves first trying to do the Soulja Boy dance

8.Mike from Monsters, Inc.

Why he sucks: Everything with the voice of Billy Crystal sucks, especially Billy Crystal.

How to beat his ass: This thing is like 60 percent eyeball, so a simple Three Stooges–style poke would probably do the trick. But if that big John Goodman monster is hanging around with him, you might want to consider some pepper spray. That big blue bastard will tear you up like a turkey leg at the real John Goodman's house.